Park(ing) Life

Without a car for the previous 14 months or so of being in America means that i have generally been ignoring what was happening on the roads as i was being driven to various places by friends and workmates. Of course, this was rather short-sighted of me in terms of directions as i found out to my cost when i was driving around and took a few wrong turns. Anyway, having found my way to the shopping malls, and supermarkets a number of times since aquiring my vehicle (as yet, still unnamed. Any suggestions?), I've actually begun to pay a bit more attention to the US habits of parking and come to the conclusion that there are a few different 'parking personalities'.

1) The "As Near As Possible to the Door" Parker - spends most of their time driving round the car park wasting valuable petrol until that perfect spot right next to the door appears meaning minimum distance using their own two legs. Recognisable by their size (huge) and their fondness for using drive-thru fast food outlets.

2) The "My Car is My Baby" Parker - will look for spaces as far removed as possible from other cars, whether it's near or far from their intended destination. Would hate for their precious baby to get a scratch or dent by some redneck idiot. Recognised by their talking to car as if its a person, and their ability to park across two spaces at once - so as to minimise possibilities of scrapes

3) The "Get Out Of My Way" Parker - aggressive drivers of Humvees or Pick-up trucks. Known for speeding round the car park as if their lives depended on it, pedestrians, shopping trolleys and animals be damned! Anyone think they're trying to compensate for something with the power of their engines?? Recognised by their baseball caps and beer guts.

4) The 'Honestly, I'm Disabled' Parker - a sub-class of type 1, these folks utilise elderly relatives disabled badges in order to secure a place nearest the door as possible. Predominantly under the age of 20 and often identified by their occasional limp that changes legs (cause, y'know, they have to justify it somehow!)

I'm sure there are many more that i have missed - please feel free to contribute your own in the comment section. It should also be noted that these do not occur strictly in the US - anyone in the UK (or, indeed, elsewhere) wishing to chip in with their own thoughts, please do. In the meantime, i'm going to keep on driving till that spot near the door opens up. Should be any time now....